Dear DoubleTake,
I have met someone who I really care about.
I have been married for six years, but I have set up an appointment to meet with a lawyer to initiate a divorce.
My current husband is very ornery, to put it simply. He is short-tempered and verbally abusive, will not go to counseling with me, and I just don't want any more of it.
Am I wrong to want to be happy? Is there something more that I should try to do before this final step? I am very scared, this is a big step and I am not sure it is right
But I don't know what more I can do.

BETTY SAYS:

If you feel like divorce is the only solution to your situation, then I'd go with your instincts and initiate the paperwork. There's no reason to hang in there if your marriage has become unmanageable.

However, make sure that you make a clean separation, move out of your home and get the divorce proceedings well under way before you start any kind of new relationship. This marriage has to be concluded in a methodical way.

It's a big decision. Focus on your own safety first, but don't be afraid of the unknown.

EDDIE SAYS:

Betty touched on it, but this is the major point: Separate the new guy you're interested in from your divorce. If you think that he's somehow going to make things right for you, you're going to be very disappointed when you find out he's not a white knight, even if he is a good guy.

But, really, it's hard to tell if he's even that. You don't say what your relationship is now. Maybe you don't want to admit to us that you're cheating. Maybe you are just flirting with this guy -- or even just talking online -- but already want to cling to the possibility he offers.

Maybe having something like that gives you the push you need to get out of a truly bad situation. Or maybe it just seems easier to build fantasies based on that rather than take a good, hard look at your marriage and figure out what to do about it.

But if you want to make a good decision that you're less likely to second-guess down the road, you need to tackle your actual, current issues before you open up something new.

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Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions. Double Take Archive:
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