Dear DoubleTake,
I am living with a guy I fell head over heels for in about a second flat. We quickly ended relationships we were each already in so we could be together. We moved in together, planned our lives, even spoke of marrying to the point of what sort of wedding we wanted to share with our friends and family.
Now, we have a beautiful 2-year-old son. But, after many failed attempts of discussing his retreat from our planned marriage, he finally told me that he never planned on marrying me, or anyone else for that matter.
I, of course, feel like an idiot having been all ga-ga in planning my dream wedding to my dream man and the father of my only child. I'm deeply wounded and resentful of this truth of his.
We agree we want our son in a home with both parents. We each promise not to take our son away from one another or take each other away from our son. So I have been living with this notion that I can give up the marriage and just proceed with a family home void of intimacies for the happiness and well-being of our son and the man I love so deeply.
Here I am wanting to marry this guy who doesn't want to marry me -- only he isn't just some guy, he is my son's father.
I can't make him marry me or want to marry me. What the heck am I doing?

BETTY SAYS:

You're right -- you can't force him to marry you. But you can choose what your next direction is in the relationship.

It sounds like you have two choices: You can stay in the house with him and accept the situation for what it is, or you can move out and try to make the best of your relationship with your son's father.

In the end, it's about making the right choices for your son's well-being. Factor in everything. If you cannot afford to be a single parent, you may need to stay. However, if the fights have become unbearable and you fear that they could escalate into an abusive household, then by all means move out and make amends later.

Also, now is a good time to turn to your friends and family. You're hurting and need some support. Whether it's babysitting, or chores or just an ear to lend, reach out. Take the time to figure out what to do next.

EDDIE SAYS:

You didn't say whether the pregnancy was planned. If it wasn't, then you made a mistake that far too many people make: You acted based on what you hoped would happen, rather than the reality of the situation.

Getting married is, of course, no guarantee of happiness or staying together forever. But if that's what you expected and wanted, you -- and others -- should make sure that happens before taking other drastic steps.

As for your, uh... boyfriend? fiance? roommate? Whatever he is, he may have felt at the time that he wanted all the things you wanted. But when it turned out that things moved along with it, he realized it's not what he wants.

He seems to have more invested in his position here than you do, so you may very well have to adjust your expectations, enjoy the good that you have together and cope with the things that don't meet your ideal.

Just like in a marriage.

Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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